My Biggest Failure

November 12, 2025

My biggest failure was not being a big enough tree, a big, old growth Sequoia would have been nice. People like me when I gave and I loved to do it but I ran out of branches and wood. I know from a young age, this day would come and people would understandably want nothing to do with me anymore. Instead of being bitter that I don’t have more to give, I am grateful that I had enough for a little while to give those I cared about and myself moments of happiness.

I would like to sincerely apologize to those in my life that I have met and unintentionally burdened. My parents deserved better than an autistic kid who had no chance of growing up to be a real man no matter how hard my dad tried. I get told a lot “sorry is not enough!”, hear them and all I can say that it’s literally all I have.

I’m also sorry for taking to long to “get the message” and receive hints that I wasn’t wanted around. It’s not an excuse but this is very common for people like me reading facial and social cues. Once I did get it, I made sure to be gracious and make myself scarce but I also know that this is too little, too late.

I was good at being the scapegoat for those I cared bout until the end and I’m sorry. I pushed back a few times when I shouldn’t have and you were right to do to me what you did.

I know I deserved it, I have been in so much emotional pain for son long. It became obvious that I wasn’t enough to keep anyone around and eventually, my dad and daughter had too much of my mistakes. When a parent and the person you love the most in the world want you literally gone, it’s time to use that as a wakeup message. The harder I tried and the more I gave, the more I seemed to push them away. Like an idiot, I kept trying to repair the relationship when I was too blind to see that I was decades too late. I was so bad that during my lsat four months Dad, Blue and Amy completely ignored me without acknowledgement and that’s when I realized how awful I probably was, even if I couldn’t see it. The proof is in the pudding as they say.

Some pretty bad things happened to me and it took me the longest time to understand that I deserved them. If I was not so annoying, people wouldn’t have wanted to do those things and they were only doing what was right.